I’ve been contemplating a lot of things. I want to write here more, though. I think it would be good for me to use this blog to work through some things, not necessarily about autism, but about my whole life. But I won’t do it if it feels like a chore. Maybe I’ll set a goal of 4-5 posts a week? I’ll see how I feel about this tomorrow.
In the meantime, I’ve read Aspergirls by Rudy Simone, I Think I Might Be Autistic by Christina Kim, Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robison, and watched the movie Temple Grandin, and I’ve come to some conclusions. First, I’m almost certainly on the spectrum, but at the high-functioning end. But, being a middle-aged woman, the way it shows in me is so different from what people expect, no one would believe me. I’d probably have a hell of a time getting a diagnosis, too. For one thing, I’ve learned a lot of social skills in the last fifty-odd years, even if some things are quite difficult for me. So, I don’t plan to pursue a diagnosis. I also don’t plan to tell anyone that I think I’m on the spectrum. I might, if I feel it’s absolutely necessary, clue my husband in. But what I would do in that case is to print off a list of traits of adult women with autism, leave the word “autism ” off, highlight the ones I think apply to me and hand it to him. If he agrees with me, then I would tell him what the list meant. But it would be an awkward conversation and I don’t see any reason to have it at this point.
I do have some sensory processing issues, and I would like to point them out to people, although mine aren’t as encompassing as some I’ve heard of. Mostly, terrible smells will make me throw up sometimes, and I have trouble with dialog. If there are two sources, I can’t tune one out to hear the other; everything just sounds like Charlie Brown’s teacher. If I’m talking to someone on the phone and someone in the room starts talking to me, it locks me up. Also, talk radio or TV news or talk shows completely stress me out because I can’t hear anything people say to me while they’re on. I discovered a few weeks ago that I can actually read lips to a certain extent, probably because of this. (Also probably because I convinced my husband to watch sports with the sound off while music plays – music has the opposite effect as dialog for me. Story time! In the middle of this paragraph, the radio station I was listening to quit playing music and started an interview and I had to change it to a music only station before I could continue. Tangerine Dream on Pandora FTW!) I have no idea how to bring this up when it’s a problem, though, and I don’t know what to do about people who think TV is soothing or whatever. I’ll have to think this one out.
I’ll leave you now with some Charlie Brown’s teacher. Why can he understand her?